In this issue:
- This Sat., July 22 – Mid-Summer Celebration Cocktails, Heavy Appetizers and Dancing at *Café Zalute* in Rosemont
- Next Sat., July 29 – Starlight Rooftop Dinner Party at *La Vita* in Little Italy
- Thurs. July 27 – Next Friends of Friends Martini Party at *Vita Mia* in Mt. Prospect
- “Successfully Navigating the Early Relationship Minefield”

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This Saturday: Cool Music, Hot Dancing at Café Zalute in Rosemont

This Saturday night, July 22, we’ll be in Rosemont for a “Mid-Summer Celebration” cocktail party with heavy appetizers and dancing to a DJ at the popular Café Zalute. This will be an open party, similar to the ones we used to do at Basta Pasta. $17 gets you in the door and into the mood. We suggest that you sign up online ahead of time to gain faster entrance and be assured of a spot.

Next weekend, the Gourmet Advocates host the Starlight Rooftop Dinner Party at La Vita, a highly regarded Italian trattoria in Chicago’s Taylor Street Little Italy. We have done a couple other parties previously at this restaurant and they are always a hit. The food is excellent, the ambiance very inviting and the company and conversation are always the best. Your evening is $47 for members; $49 for guests.

Sign up online for any of our Gourmet Advocates parties at www.gourmetadvocates.com/singlepage.html.

Also check out the “Singles Notebook” columns on “get-real” dating and relationships for those over 30 at the new Web site, http://www.singlesnotebook.com/
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This Saturday, July 22, 7:30 p.m. – Midnight
Mid-Summer Celebration Cocktail Party and Dance Featuring Delicious Northern Italian Cuisine at the Very Popular

Café Zalute

9501 W. Devon (1 Block S. of Higgins, just W. of River Road) in Rosemont

Continuing our best summer ever, the Gourmet Advocates Dining and Social Club hosts a cocktail party and dance for you, our members and guests, at the popular Café Zalute Italian restaurant and cocktail lounge in Rosemont. We have the restaurant’s entire upstairs bar area and part of the dining room for our party. This fun evening features a cash bar and music from DJ “Rockin’ Rob” for your dancing and listening pleasure. There will also be a tasty “heavy” appetizer buffet of pizzas, pasta in vodka sauce and various finger foods from Café Zalute’s well-regarded kitchen for your enjoyment throughout the evening. Come on out to celebrate, dance, twirl, eat and drink with all your single friends – the more the merrier!

This fun event is an “Open Party” for all members, non-members and guests, regardless of past participation. Your evening is $17, covering the buffet, entertainment and dancing, taxes and tips. Past similar parties have drawn some of our largest crowds, so advance reservations with payment are highly advisable. Walk-ups at the door are welcome, but will be accepted only as space permits. Dressy casual attire. Park in the restaurant lot.
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Next Week: Saturday, July 29, 7:00 – 10:00 p.m.
Starlight Rooftop Dinner Party with Delectable Italian Cuisine at the Chic

La Vita

1359 W. Taylor (at Loomis) in Chicago’s Little Italy

Enjoy the culinary pleasures of La Vita, an accomplished trattoria in the restored area of Chicago’s Little Italy. Sip cocktails (cash bar) and feast on delicious Italian dishes in a romantic rooftop garden atmosphere that is cozy, chic and contemporary.

Your choice of entrees include:
- Shrimp Capellini
- Sautéed Chicken Breasts Marsala
- Pork Chops Vesuvio
- Sautéed Tilapia with Artichokes
- Sautéed Norwegian Salmon
- Sautéed Veal Saltimbocca
- Four-Cheese Risotto with Chicken

Also included is soup or a signature house salad. $47 for members; $49 for guests. Space is limited, so sign up early. Walk-ups will also be accepted at the door for $49, space permitting. Dressy casual attire. Park with a valet or the street.

Sign up online for any of the Gourmet Advocates parties at www.gourmetadvocates.com/singlepage.html.

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Your Most Up-to-Date Listing of Gourmet Advocates and FOF Parties and Events

- This Saturday, July 22, 7:30 – Midnight – Mid-Summer Celebration Cocktail Party with Dancing to a DJ at *Cafe Zalute* 9501 W. Devon in Rosemont. $17

- Next Thursday, July 27 – 6:00 – 10:30 p.m. next Friends of Friends Famous Martini Party at *Vita Mia Ristorante* 1724 W. Golf Road (at Busse Road) in Mount Prospect. Drink specials, heavy appetizers and music and karaoke from DJ “Rock “N Roll Rick” for your listening, singing and dancing pleasure. $7 cover ($5 for Premier members).

- Next Saturday, July 29 – 7:00 – 10:00 p.m. Starlight Rooftop Dinner Party at *La Vita* 523 Fairway Drive (a few blocks east of Ashland) in Chicago’s Little Italy. Cocktails and dinner in a rooftop garden. $47 for members; $49 for guests.

- Friday, August 4 – 7:30 – 10:30 p.m. Dinner Party at the chic new Italian gem *Ristorante Lorica* in Yorktown Center (next to Bistro Banlieue) in Lombard. $45 for members; $47 for guests.

Sign up online for any of our Gourmet Advocates parties at www.gourmetadvocates.com/singlepage.html

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Singles Notebook – “Get-Real” Thoughts and Opinions from Jim “Senny” Senhauser

“Succeeding at Navigating the Early Relationship Minefield”

Regardless of how you go about meeting Mr. or Ms. Right, sooner or later, you’ll get to know someone with whom you “connect” and feel an utter sense of kinship or chemistry. Now begins the tough part. You have to see where the possibilities lead you two, going from initial attraction to genuine compatibility.

First, you have to “feel each other out” during those awkward initial dates to gauge the ways in which you are alike and those where you’re different. Tastes and preferences, life goals, politics, religion, trust, ethical and moral beliefs, affection, romance and sexuality, interests, communication style, temperament, sense of humor, career and money, children and family, pets, activity levels, use of alcohol and how each of you relates to your families and others – all these are fodder for compatibility or conflict.

Where there are differences, do you find them endearing and embrace or at least tolerate them? Do his or her strong points complement your strengths or compensate for your weaknesses, and vice-versa? Or do they grate on your sensibilities? You also have to constantly look for feedback, both verbal and non-verbal, because something that is extremely normal to you may be completely foreign to your new partner.

At this stage, it is especially important to determine the levels of attention and relationship progression that are appropriate for the person and the situation. One person’s attentive, considerate behavior and thoughtfulness could feel overly fawning, controlling or smothering to another. One’s sexual advances might feel right on target time-wise to him or her, but inappropriately slow or fast for another. Two dates a week may be fine for some but too many for another.

How do you tell if you are both progressing at a mutually comfortable speed? The best approach is to seek continual feedback, both verbal (talking things out) and non-verbal (through observation). Be aware that this process is an art, not a science. How successful it is often depends on the level of maturity, development and self-awareness of both partners. Not everybody is prepared to handle this level of open communication and verbalization.

So, you two have progressed this far. If things are still looking very positive, you have likely made it halfway across the initial stages of the relationship minefield. You’ve managed to scrape away the posturing or posing veneers that make either of you seem overly perfect initially. You have some idea of each other’s strengths, weaknesses, vulnerabilities and hot buttons. You can accept how each of you looks and tastes in the morning, your mutual levels of neatness or sloth, b0dy flaws and even that occasional accidental fart (well, it seemed accidental) under the covers. At this point, you feel you may have found the answer to your prayers, relationship-wise. But just to be precise, that answer can sometimes be “no.”

You are well aware that in relationships there are only so many things that you can account for and few that you can genuinely control. As things between you two grow together, timing dissonance and subliminal baggage from the past are the twin bugaboos that can torpedo a blossoming relationship. Just because you two are in-sync timing-wise in the early stages of a relationship does not insure that you will stay that way as it continues to progress. Being joined at the hip does not mean that you are always joined at the heart and mind. Be especially aware of latent insecurities from childhood or former relationships. These fears can creep into current relationships to muddy the water or even poison it long after it seems that everything is going well. Self-awareness is essential to insure that it does not.

One final caution — the potential hazards that I have outlined so far are primarily rational. There is another often irrational one that cuts short many seemingly compatible relationships. I’m talking about the “fatal flaw” phenomenon.

The “fatal flaw” is an unexpected occurrence or chance observation that causes one partner to panic and abruptly and unexpectedly cut off the relationship with little or no explanation. This “flaw,” however harmless from a rational viewpoint, causes the “dropper” to doubt their own judgment or alter their view of their partner in a negative and often irreparable way. Most often it is some seemingly harmless statement or act that triggers an unpleasant memory or behavior. Not surprisingly, those who are relatively new from divorces, failed long-term relationships or problem childhoods are among the most prone to this reaction. Being aware of the potential for this occurring is one safeguard. But, it does not insure that it won’t still happen.

With all the caveats and pitfalls I have pointed out so far, it is a wonder that any of us develops healthy and long-term romantic relationships. The good news is that we do! This only goes to prove that if the objective is worthy enough, as a good loving romantic relationship obviously is, then no amount of struggle to get there will be too great. The following qualities are key to making sure that this occurs:
· Mix a healthy amount of realism into your romantic view of your partner and the relationship.
· Be yourself but learn to become aware of your particular faults and insecurities. Don’t let them poison the water for this relationship. Don’t dwell on the past. Concentrate on the present and the future. Understand that insecurities have little basis in reality. Face them with courage and resolve and they’ll usually disappear.
· Practice being a good communicator, especially when it comes to listening and observing non-verbal clues.
· Learn to adapt to change, and be willing to constantly learn and grow.
· Remember to be playful, forgiving, trusting and trustworthy, supportive, respectful, courteous and fair and loyal.

Someone asked me the other day about how I know when I am in a satisfying relationship. My answer quite simply is that it becomes obvious to me when I am with my partner, and I am overwhelmed with a feeling like I am home. Not literally, of course, but figuratively, for with her there is a casual comfort level, a feeling of love, warmth, security, trust, mutual support, passion and openness. And I realize that this feeling is what the hard work is all about and what makes it worthwhile.